Vagina Thesaurus
An Essay in Defense of the Term "Sex" as a Modern Muff Moniker
The popularity and, arguably, quality of E.L James' Fifty Shades series has made a joke out of using the word "sex" as a moniker for a character’s naughty bits. Editors have asked me to change the word in my drafts. Other writers speak out against using the word. Musical theater even has a laugh at the word’s use. However, as an erotica author, I offer this defense of the term.
I enjoy using the word "sex" to describe a submissive character’s cunny while writing first-person prose. "Sex" is cute, coy, and timid. Author Steph Sweeny wrote that using the word in this manner is like closing your eyes during penetration (paraphrased), and that is exactly why I like to use it.
I want some of my submissive characters to initially be cut-off from their sexuality. I write stories of sexual discovery and find it helpful to have those characters feel like prudish, reserved human beings in denial about their desires. I want them ashamed at the beginning. I want them to start stories as sheltered beings in search of something they find more interesting. I want their sexuality sealed away in a box while they focus on careers, motherhood, or other important aspects of their lives.
This is not to say that I want even my naive characters to rely on the word "sex" in every paragraph. I like a character’s sexual vocabulary to expand in proportion to their limits as a story progresses. I am not about to begin with a shy protagonist referring to her slit as such. Instead, a bashful butch or beauty might use terms such as "nethers" or "down-there." Better yet, perhaps she will avoid saying anything at all and merely allude to the juncture between her thighs by clearing her throat or with a demure downward glance.
Resources like Literotica often have articles dedicated to the beaver basics. One such example, Whispersecret’s Erotic Synonyms, offers the common terms: box, bush, cleft, crease, crevice, crotch, quim, and several others. These may seem obvious to you and I, but what of our less-experienced characters?
Romance author Vivian Wood once curated a list of titillating terms she likes and others she does not. She keeps things simple: softness, wetness, sheath, center, and core. She also has a way to categorize how explicit her writing may be that she likens to a Kinsey Scale of romance novels. I think tying a kinky thesaurus together with such a smut scale could be an interesting experiment, especially for prim romance stories or characters of a similar nature.
U.S. television is, of course, an excellent source for muff metaphors. This is especially true with shows that skirt or completely avoid the U.S. Federal Communications Commission rules. Writers of the show Cougar Town labeled one of their characters the vaginasarus (vagina thesaurus) with the use of terms such as: a snooze, a sizzle, a hoo, a Hot Pocket, Bonnie Hunt, a woolly mammoth, No Country For Old Men, and The Hurt Locker. Many of these terms were likely meant only for laughs, but they are exactly the sort of phrases I might use in dialog between a group of catty femmes.
The show Shrinking also has many excellent dirty designations. "Coochie" is such a recurring rubric that character Gabby uses the psyche-up phrase "Big fat coochie energy! Big fat coochie energy!" before an interview in academia. Episode six of the first season dedicates an entire c-plot to finding just the right name for ladyboners, dismissing "guac the taco" in favor of "grease the peach".
While many of these are valid and interesting alternatives for describing a character’s cooch, I find "sex" as a moniker useful for inexperienced characters. Beyond that, I like using the word, as it often fits the mood of the stories I write. I refuse to abandon the term solely because another writer made use of the term infamous.
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